I think I have to say I’ve reached a happy place. Two years ago today I was in clinic to be diagnosed with Cancer. Today, I casually turned up to clinic with a coffee and a bunch of magazines (theres always a bit of a wait…!) and I wasn’t at all nervous. Because I just knew I’m all good. And I am. Remission continues. And thats a fabulous place to be 🙂 xx
Been a while since I popped along and thought I would just let the world know everything is all good! I’ve had a pretty crap few years of ‘life events’ and people say I couldn’t make it up. Its true, I couldn’t, my mind isn’t that original. Anyway, the long and short is that Hodgkin wise – remission continues!
I last went to clinic in February. We spoke about potential fertility and any plans for pregnancy (there are none!) but was cautioned that I should wait til at least 18months remission. All my counts were good.
Subsequently bought my own house!!!!! That is a milestone! Of course I can’t get life insurance – something the mortgage companies were extremely keen for me to get, until they find out I’m just flat out not eligible. Working Monday – Wednesday 8am til 6.30ish. Doing some out of hours shifts on top. I am iron deficient in latest GP blood tests. Had an interrogation as to why that was (past history of lymphoma seems to put the shits up my GPs), but reasoned it away with not looking after myself during the past 5-6 months.
Anyway, I have turned a corner – eating well, gardening (which I’m counting as exercise and a vital way to replete my also low vitamin D levels), generally trying to look after my health. I was doing so well with this immediately after HL – and then the ‘crap’ happened. I can’t go into all of that, but I just want other Hodgers in remission to be mindful that as Cancer survivors, we are potentially vulnerable – even though we may not feel it at the time. Its unfortunate – some people manipulate/exploit that.
A year ago today I heard the news that I was in remission. The best possible news ever…so its pretty difficult to beat this year…except that I still appear to be in remission…which by definition DOES beat last years news.
2014 has been a mix of extreme highs and lows (not written about on here – far too much drama & not all illness related), but I had a 2014, something which once upon a time I wasn’t sure I would see – and so for that I am eternally grateful.
Best wishes to everyone for a happy and healthy 2015 xx
Enough of the facade. Back in the summer I started struggling with feelings of low mood, anhedonia, early morning wakening and appetite changes. I wrote about my confusing feelings on the lymphoma forum. Everyone said I should see my doctor…. except me – I decided it would be fine to sort out without help.
Thereafter ensued some monumental life crap which is on most levels irreparable. I needed the help and I should have got it ages ago. After not eating or sleeping for a whole 5 days, I finally dragged myself to the GP. Mostly this episode is an acute stress reaction to life events – but the feeling is there is an underlying ‘mood disorder’ post cancer treatment.
So my advice? Seek help early. I thought I could sort it out myself – after all, I had “beaten cancer”, what was a little bit of low mood compared to that? I couldn’t sort it & sought help in all the wrong places, and it led to some pretty bad consequences.
I’m hoping things pick up because right now isnt great.
Haematology clinic today! All good, nothing to report. Due to my good scan in the summer and the fact I had nothing to report, my follow ups are being extended to 4 monthly! Hooray!
So, another milestone! Had a nice lunch and will take myself to the cinema as a “reward” to my body for behaving itself.
Best wishes to all! 🙂 xx
So good news, my heart is doing ok, so no more meds, just the Beta Blockers 🙂
That’s all. I’ve been busy getting on with life which is great!
9 month check next month…..where did that come from?! Best wishes to all xx
Had a bit of an emotional whirlwind of late. Those who follow my blog from the lymphoma forum will know this, as I posted a rambling splurge of what confuzzling feelings I was having here.
Anyway, I have dusted myself down from that dip myself & remain very thankful for everyone who continues to support me – including the dogs who provide the most wonderful cuddles. You’re all amazing. I know others seek help from their drs – and I would encourage this, but it isn’t the right option for me on reflection. Quite frankly, I don’t want professional counselling, I can do this by myself – and I’m very lucky to have a team of non professional but totes amazeballs people on my side. They’re as good as any ‘therapy’ for me 🙂
It’s all good under the hood. That’s all that needs to be said. Glad my intuition was right this time, gives me more confidence in my body! Follow up in 3 months. Thank you and good night! 🙂
p.s. Thoughts very much with those still in treatment. Survivor guilt exists.
Cardiology follow up. Not much to report. My heart continues to beat too fast despite a Beta blocker to slow it. Awaiting an echo – it’ll be fine I’m sure. Awaiting results of CT/PET scan yesterday. That’ll be fine too I’m sure. I feel GOOD! I can’t possibly be sick whilst feeling this normal, can I?
In other news, I think my local CT/PET scanning department needs to get some more varied reading materials…..(!!!) I’m not a runner, and wasn’t interested to read about it in the radiation isolation room…!
So, deeming myself to be lesser risk for relapse than I may be, I wasn’t expecting to hear from nuclear medicine for a good few days – a week perhaps….they called today. They’re so on the ball, honestly, compared to the rest of the nhs (which is great, I love it, like I really do…but we all know speed isn’t what it’s renowned for), pretty impressive.
They wanted to fit me in next week, but unfortunately I’m booked up with clinics of my own. My work are very supportive and would swap around clinics at the drop of a hat…but it’s already happened a lot and I have patients of my own to see, I don’t want to cancel their appointments, and I don’t want to be a source of radioactive badness to potentially vulnerable people. So, my decision, I will wait. A decision questioned by a lovely doctor at work, but this whole charade has had too much of my life – I want to call the shots for a while.
So it’ll be the 21st, in the afternoon, after a clinic of patients in the morning. At the moment I feel ok about this, but I don’t know if I will be concentrating well enough when the actual day comes. So may end up with my clinics being reshuffled after all. Ugh.